Sometimes life isn't fair...

I had to take Ladybug in to the hospital to have her newborn screen repeated, because the pediatrician's office screwed up her 48 hour heel stick. Poor kiddo, having to get stuck. She was a champ, though.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about the woman I met in the waiting room all day.

She did the standard "awwwing" over my sweet baby girl, and took a second to talk to the Boy, which is something people don't do often enough. He's cute, too, darnit!! She asked the standard questions about how old she is, how much she weighed at birth, how she was sleeping. It was a pretty long wait, though, and she started asking some pretty intrusive questions.

Who was your doctor? Did you like them? Did you deliver here? How was it? Was she born the "normal" way? (Her words, not mine. Probably an attempt to not use the word "vaginal" to a complete and total stranger in a room full of people. Mostly pregnant women and mothers of itty bitties, but still.)

The rapid-fire succession of her questions led me to believe that she was pregnant.

"Can I ask you something personal?" she asks.

Now, to most people, the questions she'd asked beyond "how old is she?" are pretty darn personal. And it's pretty true that a lot of women tend to lose all modesty during the incredibly invasive and humbling process of a pregnancy. I'm not generally one of those people (NMD friends, it's only because I heart you so much that you know so much about me), but something just seemed so desperate about her interest.

"Sure, " I say.

"When did you hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time?"

Thunk. Got it. She's completely and totally freaked out about not hearing her baby's heartbeat yet. And she's sitting in the lab...probably for an hCG check.

She confirmed that she was 5 weeks pregnant, had some bleeding, couldn't find the heartbeat on ultrasound...and was sitting there waiting to find out if she'd miscarried.

It was a long wait, so we discussed her 2 years of trying ending with a successful artificial insemination. My 3 years of trying with a natural conception the same week my husband was scheduled for all of his testing. We even discussed the need to latch on to anyone we came across who was pregnant or had a new baby, find out what the secret is. How easy it is for people to take for granted that you just 1) get pregnant and 2) have a baby, whenever you want, however you want. Yeah, it happens that way for a lot of people. But some of us don't have it quite that easy. How much it hurts, albeit completely and totally irrationally, when someone around you pops up pregnant and the talk around you at the baby showers starts becoming more and more hushed.

And then someone came to get her. She left her tote in the waiting area. She came back a few minutes later, flushed.

"Good luck to you," she blurts out as she picks up her bag.

"And to you," I say. She says nothing, just glances back over her shoulder at me and walks away.

I assume she lost the baby. And my heart is broken for this perfect stranger, who is probably lamenting to her husband about the girl in the waiting room with not just one but two kids. How it isn't fair.

And it isn't fair.

So I just want to send out my little virtual prayer for the woman in the waiting room. You will get your baby, in the right time, in the right way. I will be hoping for you until.