Confession time. I love the TV show 7th Heaven. I catch all the reruns I can. Embarrassing, but true.
Four years ago at this very moment, I was laying on the couch watching the one where grandma and grandpa come to visit. Mom wakes up in the morning and just knows that her mom is gone.
I laid there thinking "Thank god I don't have to go through that with my parents for years."
You see, my mom didn't want me to get married. She said I was ripping the Boy away from Roaster, and it wasn't fair of me to do that. From July to that day, we didn't speak much. Even on my wedding day, she pretty much ignored me and pretended that the day didn't mean what it meant.
But four years ago today, I stood up to SD. We went to court, me against him and the lawyers his Mommy paid for. And I beat him. Just me. No lawyers, no help from anybody. I called Mama on the way home, and I swear I could hear her smile. She told me she was so very proud of me. And for the first time in months, years maybe, I really felt as though she and I were making progress. It was going to get better, our relationship. We'd learn to be friends.
But later, as I lay on that couch thanking heaven that I had two parents who loved me, who I wouldn't have to watch die for many, many years, she was already gone.
Molly, is that irony?
Gah, I swear it was yesterday. I spend every moment wondering when it will stop feeling so fresh. When I will stop remembering that phone call, the drive home, the days between today and putting her in the ground. When I will stop remembering all that so vividly and replace it with her face, her voice, her stupid dance moves, ANYTHING but the pain.
If someone could let me know when that will happen?
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7 comments:
I don't know. But I know that you will make it. And I'm sorry that it hurts so much.
Much love coming your way.
I wish I could tell you. It is so very, very ironic, and I hurt for you, my dear. All my love and hugs today and every day.
I dont know either, but I know you are a strong wonderful woman! Take it day by day, breath by breath and you will make it.
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. Sending you all the love and support I can!
I don't have a good answer. I don't think pain ever completely disappears, we just learn to cope with it better. {{{HUGS}}} LA.
{{HUGS}} I don't have an answer, but I have an arms and ears and I will wrap them around you and listen. Love you LA.
You are a rockstar. That is all.
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