For you, friend...

You got so sick so quickly, I didn't get to say much to you in private. The talks we did get to have, you wanted hope, so that's what I tried to give you.

I just want you to know that I'm glad I got to have you as a friend, even though it was for such a brief period of time. You brought to my life some fun and laughter, and I thank you. You made me feel needed sometimes, and I already miss that.

You leave behind a whole slew of friends who would have given anything to take all of this away and to have you back with us. You made us smile, friend. As we sat and remembered how your favorite work activity seemed to be hiding outside the bathroom door so you could scare us as we came out, we had to laugh--you had to pick April Fool's Day, didn't you?

I've lost a parent, and grandparents, and aunts and uncles. I've lost people who had full lives and people who had half lives. I've never lost a friend, though, and I can't help but think that you were just to the point of beginning your life when this huge ordeal was...what's the word? Put upon you.

It doesn't make sense. Not one bit.

I want you to know, friend, what I take from this.

I hug my kids a little tighter each night; as I watch your mom try to get through this, I have to keep in mind that I cannot take for granted for even one second that the rest of my life will include my two beautiful babies. I need them to know that I love them with everything that I am, and no matter how, when, or why they need me, I will always, always be there.

I cherish my friends a little more. I don't know how long I'm going to have them, and I need to love those people who choose me as a confidant, a partner in crime, a shoulder to cry on...I need to make sure that they always know that the role they play in my life is unique and valued and appreciated more than I'll ever be able to put into words.

I need to take care of my health. I need to trust my gut, not ignore things, and remember that I am not, in fact, invincible just because I'm 29 years old.

I hope that wherever you are, the pain is gone. I hope that you can somehow see or feel the love that so many people felt for you. I hope you know how important you were to so many people, and how much, how desperately you will be missed.

Rest peacefully, friend.

Love,
la