On the table.

Wow, it's been a month since my last post.

This post, though, is going to be my last post. At least for Little Buggas.

It's been six months since one of the worst days of my adult life. If you "know" me, you know what day I'm talking about.

And while there are seventeen separate posts that were written or half-written or barely started all talking about or alluding to those events or any that took place afterwards, none of them ever saw the light of day.

I'm removed from it now. In a different place. No longer angry, or sad, or hurt.

So I'm going to speak for me.

Hashing out the dirty details is not necessary. But I'm closing a chapter of my life by abandoning this blog, and in doing so, I need to clear my own personal air.

I want you to know that every time I uttered a word of gratitude, I meant it. Every prayer and word of encouragement was heartfelt. Every gift that was given was given with love. And I sincerely appreciate all of the kindness that was ever shown to me.

But my heart was broken to pieces that day. And by people I never, ever dreamed were capable of it.

I am quite fragile. It's a curse, I admit. I was in a bad place during those days. Fighting hard to avoid the PPD that plagued me with the Boy, living in those hard months between the death of my mom and the holidays and all of that. I broke, what can I say? It wouldn't have taken much to fix it, but that wasn't in the cards, I guess. Or else, I wasn't worth it. Whatever the reason, I can't dwell on it.

I may not have gone out screaming. Okay, so I skulked out into the night. You may consider it cowardly, but I was only protecting myself from things I feared would happen to further break my spirit (and those things, sadly, did occur).

Even one day later, my god, how I missed my girls.

So my Molly did something that I will forever be grateful for. She made a new space, with a touch of the familiar and some of the new. Whether I've ever said it or not, and whether it's true or not (and I don't want to know if it isn't, lol), I consider it a gift to me. And quite frankly, it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

And lo and behold, most of my girls followed. While my heart was still broken, my girls made sure to try to fix it. And slowly but surely, they did. I never minded that they didn't make a clear-cut choice. I never minded that they divided their time. I never expected or asked them to pick a team. When the time came, they chose me. ME (Okay, and Molly too. Maybe a little bit). Can you even imagine?

And I'm happy again.

See, I never claimed myself to be the greatest thing since sliced bread. Hell, I've never even considered that title for myself. I'm just a silly girl with a busy life and a rambling brain who likes to have some friends to talk to. Maybe I invest too much in these relationships. Put too much of my hopes into them. I don't know.

But everything that I was back then was genuine. It was LA. Even the asshole parts. I've tried to right the wrongs, when the opportunities have arisen. Done what I can to restore my own karma to normal. Because I know I wasn't always so nice. I take responsibility for that behavior rather than shift the blame. I admit it, and I feel regret.

But I'm moving forward. On to new things. If you wish to follow me, you know where to find me. I'm not going into hiding by any stretch, so even if you don't want to ask, I'm sure you'll find me anyhow.

Thanks for reading. I hope you got something out of this sorry excuse for a blog. And I promise that round two will be, if not more entertaining, then at least more consistent.